Ghosts

Why is it that when we are working our hardest to forget something, or someone, they seem to pop up in every situation life presents us with? Is it irony? Is it a greater power playing tricks on us? Or does it mean nothing? In high school, my English teacher told me about my “Reticular Activation System”. This basically meant that once our brains have been introduced to something, you start to see it everywhere you go. Do you believe that this is the case when it comes to forgetting a lost relationship? Whether that may be a friendship, or a romantic relationship. It’s driving me crazy. Someone from my past, whom I have fought hard to forget, keeps showing up in everything I do. Their name appears on Instagram accounts that we have both recently followed, their watch shows up in my mothers car, their name even goes as far as showing up in the search bar for an online shopping website I am on! It’s been over a year since I have had an interaction with this person, so why are they showing up again…now? Is it a sign? Or simply a coincidence? My mother says not to worry, and that I will find closure when I am meant to find it, not to force it. I can’t help but overthink (thanks anxiety) this entire occurrence. This individual in particular has broken me down to the most raw form of myself, and since then, I have built myself back up to the new and improved “me”, the best that I can be. It’s been enough time where I don’t wake up and think about them. They aren’t the leading role in my dreams anymore. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, but I can’t ignore the fact that I have found a new happiness now, but its making me think that perhaps I haven’t.

xx Mai

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